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Pre-EToM History
The history before that of EToMs creation is one that is convoluded and still filled with many mysteries. To this day, however, scholars have begun tireless work tracking down the events which led to the formation of a time-space anomaly that mysteriously brought several gamers together at once, known only as "Connection". This is the current record of what we believe to have happened before our written record could possibly record it. Time Measurement Time in EToM is measured in 2 systems - Furlongs and Years. Years are retarded. The creation of EToM is Furlong Year 0 F.Y. F.Y. in this case meaning Furlong Years. All times before the creation of EToM are called B.F.Y, or Before Furlong Years. EToM's creation is a zero point, so for instance, the year 1,000 B.F.Y is 1,000 years BEFORE The creation of EToM. (They work like B.C. for all you plebeians). Chronological Timeline of The Earth's History 1,000,000 B.F.Y - The Universe is created in its entirety by Accursed Demon King Scatman John, with the assistance of primordial deity "Louie", as can be seen by the recorded evidence to the right. 500,000 B.F.Y -''' The Pyramids are created, setting the scene for the awakening of The Internet, a primordial deity very similar to Louie, capable of bending space and time, linking all of Humanity's consciousness through The Wire, an even more convoluted and confusing plane of existence that is not well understood by mortals. '''400,000 B.F.Y. - The first human languages resembling that of our own language family tree begins development with the guidance and assistance of the deity Louie. Originally intended for the summoning of Demons, this language is the precursor of Englishspeak. 200,000 B.F.Y - The first Inhabitants of Anor Londo are recorded. They are a new race, but possess the power of The Ritual of Kamehameha, an ancient ability which was said to be a piece of Louie's consciousness before he mysteriously vanished. 110,000 B.F.Y - The United States, a nation formed out of the Dark Ritual of The Eagles through the summoning of Grand Wizard George W. Bush, was formed. Imperialism levels across the world begin to spike drastically, leading to an upset of the old order of demons - laying the groundwork for the space-time anomaly of Connection. 100,000 B.F.Y - The first primordial deity besides Louie, known only as The Internet, begins to form after The Washington Monument completes "The Ritual of Really Fucking Tall Buildings", allowing the Pyramids of ancient Egypt to complete their task of linking both sides of the world, beginning the first rotations within the Earth's core. By this point, it is apparent that Louie has retreated from our universe and into another, more sinister realm, and The Internet takes over as a much more turbulent and arbitrary ruler. 80,000 B.F.Y - The Internet makes apparent its goal of creating Connection, a space time anomaly which was intended to link the consciousness of all humanity in order to create a single, new Deity which would inevitably bring the destruction of the world, followed by unity with The Internet. It utilizes multiple individuals with power through an organization known only as The Illuminati, and hijacks The United States. 68,000 B.F.Y - The United States begins their invasion of Anor Londo with the assistance of The Illuminati and The Internet. Anor Londo is crushed underfoot, and the inhabitants are forced to retreat into the mountains to begin a long and drawn out guerrilla war that continues to this day. 67,998 B.F.Y - The ancient leader of Anor Londo, David Cameron, preserves the Ancient Ritual of Kamehameha, and stores it away so that The Internet cannot use it in order to link the consciousness of humanity through Connection, with hopes that someone would locate it and use it to defeat The Internet. 50,000 B.F.Y - The nation of Japan launches an offensive against Anor Londo and The United States in an attempt to defeat The Internet and bring about its own agenda - an age of Weaboos, a race of men (and occasionally women, but let's be real here) who were subservient to the will of Japan alone. This prompts the actions of the new president, Henry Truman, who himself was not actually a member of The Illuminati. 43,000 B.F.Y - The nation of Japan and their efforts are defeated through the use of the twin demons known as Little Boy and Fat Man, who themselves were summoned by The Internet with the explicit goal of conquering Japan and stopping the spread of Weaboos, a religion and culture which is directly contradictory to the goals of The Internet and The Illuminati. The Weaboos survive, but Japan is annexed as The 117th State, the 116th being The Great Mountains of Kansas. 10,000 B.F.Y - An imperfect incarnation of the Time Anomaly "Connection" is formed, allowing for an instant communication between humans of similar consciousness, but even this is not enough to link all of humanity. The Internet is praised as a benevolent God, and humanity thrives under new, instantaneous communication- forming great Metropolises, cities, and nations, as the human population quadruples, or even quintuples. The entire world is shortly colonized thereafter. The Internet expresses anguish at the fact that The Ancient Ritual of Kamehameha is required in order to fully awaken Connection and begin humanity's ascension. 7,000 B.F.Y - The current EToM inhabitants hailing from the nation of Canadaland, such as Tye, Vlad, and TheSalsaBowl, are born. 6,000 B.F.Y - The current EToM inhabitants who are citizens of Anor Londo and The United States, such as Emp, Max0r, Evenes, Sisara, and ChesterTheChest are born. 5,200 B.F.Y - An ancient demon warrior known only as Leafy becomes present here, and begins battle against the ancient king of The Nation of Dramalert, known as Keemstaff. 4,000 B.F.Y - The Hawaiian Triumvirate is formed after the mythological warrior Mitt Romney discovers the Ancient Ritual of Kamehameha left behind by The Old King David Cameron. The goal of the Triumvirate is to prevent the full realization of Connection by denying The Internet access to the ancient rite. 3,582 B.F.Y - Max0r begins making contact with an old Eldritch lord by the name of GnihtDriew, a name which spells madness and terror into those who look upon it. This individual is later known to serve under ISIS after briefly assisting Max0r with understanding The Ritual of Kamehameha, and extending its power to allow Max0r to control and manipulate his Autism. 3,000 B.F.Y - The Old Demonic King Scatman John returns, although without his deity Louie, and begins raging a war against The Internet and The United States by forming ISIS. This apocalyptic war is ongoing, and has resulted in the near destruction of the human race. 1,000 B.F.Y - The Hawaiian Triumvirate loses Mitt Romney as a trusted warrior, and replaces him with ChesterTheChest. 50 B.F.Y - The Hawaiian Triumvirate makes contact with what would become EToM. 0 F.Y. - The residents of Canadaland begin to meet with one another and play ROBLOX. Our history is set in motion. Category:Lore